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My daughter got a DUI a few days ago, FML

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nuke
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My daughter got a DUI a few days ago, FML

Postby nuke » Sun Jan 11, 2015 9:24 am

My 27yo daughter got a DUI a few days ago. She is coming over today to give me the details. She is a Grad student at UCONN, one semester left to her Masters in Bio-chem. She is in the application process for PhD program at several universities in addition to UCONN, Cuni NY is one. Her GPA is in the 3.8-3.9 area. No accident, driving her car but for insurance reasons it is in my name and she is listed as primary on my USAA policy. She struggled in high school and moved out when she was 18 to live with her boyfriend and worked as a vet tech for 3 years, cleaning pee. Then decided to change and ditched boyfriend and went to community college, then Eastern Connecticut state, now UCONN. I paid her tuition and for her car while she was an undergrad. She has been self sufficient except for car ins as a grad student. So 'll be 55 in a few days, I've told her one of the things I wish I could take back from my youth was drinking and driving (late 70's early 80's). Just throwing this out there for advice.



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SR9
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Postby SR9 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 6:02 pm

So sorry to hear this nuke. My sons (31 and 33) have done some foolish things in the past. I won't go into details but it hurt my wife and I deeply. Their indiscretions did not involve alcohol or drugs but were devastating to us none the less.
Their indiscretions left my wife and I scratching our heads as to where we went wrong as parents. They were brought up in a good home and were taught our values but still trouble happened. While one has finally turned around the other is still at it. Their 'activities' have left my my wife and I wondering how our sons who are our greatest joy could also be our greatest heart break.

I feel your pain nuke. My advice is to keep on loving your daughter as we have done with our sons. Make it very clear to her that she is your daughter and you as a parent will love her always. You may not approve of her choices in life, and you should tell her when you don't, but you will love her just the same. Make it clear to her that you want to be kept in the loop and that she can come to you any time, day or night with what is on her mind.
My wife and I have resisted the temptation to give our sons 'more' than they need and to let them feel the sting the of consequences so they would learn from the experience, we will not be enablers. The definition of 'more' is something each parent must determine on a case by case basis in the context of their own family.

Nuke, unfortunately the times our children have grown up in are rich with evil and temptations that are way beyond what you and I experienced growing up. Today's environment is so brutal that it can easily undo every good work a parent does to raise their children. That said, I take comfort in that my wife and I have done all we could do and the evil world we live in today took it's toll on our children.

I don't know if this helps or even makes sense but I had to respond the best way I could. Your daughter will be in our thoughts and prayers. We hope that her DUI will have a minimal impact on her upcoming career. Your love and guidance will go a long way in making this the last time she does this.

By the way I am 58 and have been happily married to my wife for 35 years.
"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." - John F. Kennedy 1962

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nuke
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Postby nuke » Sun Jan 11, 2015 6:53 pm

SR9,
Thank you for your thoughtful response, advice and prayers. I wish you the best with your sons and will pray for you, your wife and sons also. After my daughters visit today and researching the laws, I think the effect on her future may not be as bad as I had initially thought. It will be expensive but shouldn’t impact her career significantly. We spoke about drugs and alcohol, she has never had a history of abuse and I think in this instance made a bad decision. I think she realizes now that you simply cannot have a single drink if you are driving because it impacts your judgment and things go downhill from there.

She has a court date a week from this Wednesday at the Rockville courthouse.

Thanks again for your post,
David

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Postby SR9 » Mon Jan 12, 2015 7:37 pm

nuke wrote:SR9,
Thank you for your thoughtful response, advice and prayers. I wish you the best with your sons and will pray for you, your wife and sons also. After my daughters visit today and researching the laws, I think the effect on her future may not be as bad as I had initially thought. It will be expensive but shouldn’t impact her career significantly. We spoke about drugs and alcohol, she has never had a history of abuse and I think in this instance made a bad decision. I think she realizes now that you simply cannot have a single drink if you are driving because it impacts your judgment and things go downhill from there.

She has a court date a week from this Wednesday at the Rockville courthouse.

Thanks again for your post,
David


You are very welcome. I sort of thought it might not be totally devastating to her but I am not a lawyer and I did not stay at a holiday inn express the other night. A friend of mine went through this with his son and he seemed to come away with expenses, a new found respect for what DUI means and a bruised ego.

Sounds like your daughter will learn from this and be much more aware of how serious this can be. I saw far too many tragedies involving drinking and driving as a volunteer firefighter in the last 33 years.

You are correct about a single drink, I have a CDL and will not touch a drop when I am out unless I can get home with a designated driver.

I wish you and your daughter all the best.

Vin
"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." - John F. Kennedy 1962



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